We have formed and learned habits
that carry over into our adult experiences.
If our home was a comfortable place to be,
generally, we've probably grew up to be
a quite "comfortable" person.
If our home was an uncomfortable place to be,
then we've probably grew up to be persons
who are not too pleasant to be around.
We need to take a clear look at mom and dad
as they really existed and now exist
if we want to learn about ourselves
and understand ourselves.
Most of us have had severe emotional conflicts
with mom and dad at some point in our relationships
which resulted in hostile feelings.
This is where a great deal of our problems rests
because we are not able to view our parents
as real people who have real feelings,
and about whom we have real feelings.
Mother is a person, and father is a person,
and our brothers and sisters are real people,
and all other people we have lived with in our homes.
They have given us our habit patterns,
and we have to look at them realistically.
These people have taught us how to feel about them.
Our parents have taught us how to feel about them.
How can this be?
It can be simply because of the fact
that you and I are composed of two distinct parts --
our reason and our emotions.
Reason is a part of our mind.
Emotion is a product essentially and basically of the body.
The emotions we have are features
that have been built into us by the people
who were closest to us in childhood.
Let's look at mom, remembering that
we're talking about the whole family.
Mom lived with dad and she had experiences with dad.
She had some kind of love relationship with dad,
and if she was a person who was much loved by dad,
then she was a comfortable person to be around.
This is also true of dad.
In a sense, the human being can be compared
to a puppy that was given to a little boy.
Suppose that he was mean to the puppy.
Suppose that this little boy slapped and kicked at the puppy,
and was generally rough with the little puppy.
Now suppose this puppy grows up in this environment,
and then is given to another little boy
who loves and adores the little dog.
He is kind to this dog.
Now, what happens?
The puppy will respond to the kindness,
but whenever the kind boy makes a fast move
in the puppy's direction, the puppy ducks
and backs away frightened and cowed.
Most of our emotions are conditioned
in the same way in our homes.
When mother is around, we duck.
When father is around, we duck.
We are fearful, frightened, and angry.
Why?
Sometimes we don't know why.
The simple fact is
we have been conditioned by them in our childhood.
Back ToMarriage
Prepared by Dr. Harold L. White
Copyright (c) 1996-2002 Dr. Harold L. White All rights reserved.
hleewhite@aol.com